?The past few days, weeks and months have been filled to their limits for me, both my work- and personal life. Late August I started a business in the webdesign and coding industry, and almost immediately thereafter I was hired for a job to help build a quite large newspaper site for a local Swedish company. They offered good money for a project that seemed fun, and I needed both the money and the reference -- I without hesitation decided to work with them, and we started planning what we both thought would be a project ending somewhere mid-October. In reality, it did not end mid-October, it in fact has not ended yet. It is only now we are finalizing the site and, if we are lucky, it may be launched sometime later November. Needless to say, that project has taken so much time, effort and dedication from my side to complete that I at times have worked 10-12 hours a day (counting all time spent with the project) to finish it -- and it’s still not over.
Around the same time I formed my company, I started working at the high school I graduated from with educational advising for studies in the U.S.A. Although not very well paid, that job has given me contacts and opportunities I never would have found otherwise, whilst at the same time requiring enormous amounts of time and effort. I write countless e-mails every day and spend many hours planning events, meetings and more -- most often this is done outside my “official” working hours (which are 8-12 Mon, Wed and Thur). Again, I needed the money and the reference, and I was made an offer I could not refuse. But, as with my own company, it has taken time away from those things which matter most to me: my girlfriend, my family, my friends and my community (you guys).
Speaking of my girlfriend -- she’s even more pissed off than you all are. She was looking forward to this gap-year (i.e. a year between high school and university) and to “all the time we could spend”. I can honestly say we haven’t spent much time at all, not nearly enough for what would be needed to make our relationship work. We’re struggling every day not to break up -- a struggle that drains stamina and well-being from me every day. I try to work during the days we can’t see each other, try to work away as much as possible so that we at least can get the week-ends together, but my efforts have been futile -- our relationship is growing weaker and weaker and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
To add to all this, I am forced to study as well. As I am applying to Cambridge University in the UK (which you’ve most likely all heard of), I need not only good grades but also proof that I am dedicated in what I want to study: engineering. I need to take math classes to show I am actively keeping up my interest in the area and I need to take other courses to show I am still burning to study. Right now I study two courses, one in C++ programming and the other one in graphic design -- two courses that, although not being very difficult on their own, become incredibly difficult to maintain due to all the other work I have to do.
All of this, and more, takes time away from you, my community, and from your ideas, opinions, requests and complaints. I’ve simply chosen, right or wrong, to prioritize my studying, my work and my real-life relationships before what I do on the computer. This means that I’ve set aside time I would normally spend with the community (such as on fightnights, fixing the server, getting new maps, etc.) to work, study or be with my family or girlfriend. I understand what you are saying about me being inactive -- that is completely true but it has been inevitable given the priorities I’ve made. Looking back at my decisions I don’t know if I would have been able to do any better -- I surely wouldn’t have chosen to study two courses nor put that much time into my work! But those are the choices I’ve made and that’s how things turned out, unfortunately.
Now, some good news. In two weeks time, my C++ programming course is over, and sooner or later so is my contract with the newspaper site. I will now start looking through the map submissions you have sent in and process them like I usually do with things about the community -- extremely carefully and patiently. I understand that you wish to leave the community, and I cannot stop you from doing that. If I could only ask of you to not permanently go, perhaps only to be inactive for a month or two, and still be here for me to talk to via Steam or so, I would very much appreciate that. You all mean a lot to me (you really do), and losing you from the community, irregardless of whether you’re an admin or not, is a very saddening loss for me personally. As much as I’ve neglected the community the past few months, I still love it very deeply -- I am, if you will, emotionally attached to this community in a way.
Again, I realize I have done mistakes and I wish I could undo them -- but that is not possible. My only wish right now is that you will not leave us for good, but rather that you come back when you feel that I am doing a better job again. I will do all I can to spend more time with you all, every day I will try to be there a little bit more, and a bit more, and a bit more, etc... Hopefully, by the end of the year or so, the community spirit and joy will be again restored!
Yours faithfully,
Doggie52
That's a joke, though. Then again I will probably be around till the end of Dream-Evil.
) 
) really means a lot to me. I'll do my best to get better at planning in time for Dream-Evil in my every-day life!
