Dream-Evil.com Gaming Community

Let me begin by thanking you for the time you've taken to write me all these good-bye letters, all of you. Although they sadden me deeply, they make me happy somewhere deep inside, for I see in them what this community once was -- a vibrant, buzzing group of people who shared the same interests, morals and love for a game and wanted to play together as a group. I’ve read your letters, now I ask that you read mine too. Please ?

The past few days, weeks and months have been filled to their limits for me, both my work- and personal life. Late August I started a business in the webdesign and coding industry, and almost immediately thereafter I was hired for a job to help build a quite large newspaper site for a local Swedish company. They offered good money for a project that seemed fun, and I needed both the money and the reference -- I without hesitation decided to work with them, and we started planning what we both thought would be a project ending somewhere mid-October. In reality, it did not end mid-October, it in fact has not ended yet. It is only now we are finalizing the site and, if we are lucky, it may be launched sometime later November. Needless to say, that project has taken so much time, effort and dedication from my side to complete that I at times have worked 10-12 hours a day (counting all time spent with the project) to finish it -- and it’s still not over.

Around the same time I formed my company, I started working at the high school I graduated from with educational advising for studies in the U.S.A. Although not very well paid, that job has given me contacts and opportunities I never would have found otherwise, whilst at the same time requiring enormous amounts of time and effort. I write countless e-mails every day and spend many hours planning events, meetings and more -- most often this is done outside my “official” working hours (which are 8-12 Mon, Wed and Thur). Again, I needed the money and the reference, and I was made an offer I could not refuse. But, as with my own company, it has taken time away from those things which matter most to me: my girlfriend, my family, my friends and my community (you guys).

Speaking of my girlfriend -- she’s even more pissed off than you all are. She was looking forward to this gap-year (i.e. a year between high school and university) and to “all the time we could spend”. I can honestly say we haven’t spent much time at all, not nearly enough for what would be needed to make our relationship work. We’re struggling every day not to break up -- a struggle that drains stamina and well-being from me every day. I try to work during the days we can’t see each other, try to work away as much as possible so that we at least can get the week-ends together, but my efforts have been futile -- our relationship is growing weaker and weaker and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

To add to all this, I am forced to study as well. As I am applying to Cambridge University in the UK (which you’ve most likely all heard of), I need not only good grades but also proof that I am dedicated in what I want to study: engineering. I need to take math classes to show I am actively keeping up my interest in the area and I need to take other courses to show I am still burning to study. Right now I study two courses, one in C++ programming and the other one in graphic design -- two courses that, although not being very difficult on their own, become incredibly difficult to maintain due to all the other work I have to do.


All of this, and more, takes time away from you, my community, and from your ideas, opinions, requests and complaints. I’ve simply chosen, right or wrong, to prioritize my studying, my work and my real-life relationships before what I do on the computer. This means that I’ve set aside time I would normally spend with the community (such as on fightnights, fixing the server, getting new maps, etc.) to work, study or be with my family or girlfriend. I understand what you are saying about me being inactive -- that is completely true but it has been inevitable given the priorities I’ve made. Looking back at my decisions I don’t know if I would have been able to do any better -- I surely wouldn’t have chosen to study two courses nor put that much time into my work! But those are the choices I’ve made and that’s how things turned out, unfortunately.


Now, some good news. In two weeks time, my C++ programming course is over, and sooner or later so is my contract with the newspaper site. I will now start looking through the map submissions you have sent in and process them like I usually do with things about the community -- extremely carefully and patiently. I understand that you wish to leave the community, and I cannot stop you from doing that. If I could only ask of you to not permanently go, perhaps only to be inactive for a month or two, and still be here for me to talk to via Steam or so, I would very much appreciate that. You all mean a lot to me (you really do), and losing you from the community, irregardless of whether you’re an admin or not, is a very saddening loss for me personally. As much as I’ve neglected the community the past few months, I still love it very deeply -- I am, if you will, emotionally attached to this community in a way.

Again, I realize I have done mistakes and I wish I could undo them -- but that is not possible. My only wish right now is that you will not leave us for good, but rather that you come back when you feel that I am doing a better job again. I will do all I can to spend more time with you all, every day I will try to be there a little bit more, and a bit more, and a bit more, etc... Hopefully, by the end of the year or so, the community spirit and joy will be again restored!


Yours faithfully,
Doggie52

Thanks for letting us all know what's going on, I'm sure everyone appreciates it.

I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend, and can only wish you guys the best and hope everything works out for you.

It's been a while since we've heard from you -- even longer since I talked to you, personally. It's a shame.
I am glad to hear how things are going with your studies, though! I have no doubt that you will be accepted in to the univeristy you want.

And you know, when it comes to the community, you know it's ok to ask for help, right? It's the least we could do. I, personally, would be more than happy to host fightnights, and/or other community activities. If you want to, that is. I know the majority of rcon commands as I need to know them for competitive play. I'm sure other admins would be willing to do this, aswell. We have some great people on here. It's just a suggestion. Also, if you need anyone to handle other things with the community (such as new admins, forum moderation etc.), I believe there are many of us who would be more than happy to offer our help, if you could just explain how to do the job. However, if these are tasks you won't entrust to anyone but yourself, I can completely understand that. If you want something done right, do it yourself. Right? Just know that help exists, should you ask for it.

Doggie52 wrote:I understand that you wish to leave the community, and I cannot stop you from doing that. If I could only ask of you to not permanently go, perhaps only to be inactive for a month or two, and still be here for me to talk to via Steam or so, I would very much appreciate that. You all mean a lot to me (you really do), and losing you from the community, irregardless of whether you’re an admin or not, is a very saddening loss for me personally.

Hey, you still have me, right? That's a joke, though. Then again I will probably be around till the end of Dream-Evil.

I think that's about everything I have to say for now. Good luck with everything, buddy!

Hey dear. It's good to hear your issues and reasons. I know and everone should know that in real life is more inportant.

I thought off leaving. But i did not want to, Before i could see your reasons etc. Cuz i can see you've been very busy, your girlfriend is angry wich is not good. I really do appreciate your information your dealing with us. So we can understand you.
I can hope that your soon done with your work etc. So we can restart the forum activity we had for like 7 months ago etc.

Just like Kickfoot. I will probably stick out until D-E is done.

You'r dear WhiskeY^

Than you for telling us this Doggie, I presumed you were busy but I never had this in mind at all. I hope you will get something out from the things you've been working with since you've sacrificed a lot to be able to complete them. I also hope things will work better between you and the people around you in your life, I'm sorry to hear that the relationship with your gf have been tough. I wish you all luck and I believe things will work out fine in the end eventhough things ahve been hard.

I wish you all luck Dogggie! (again )

/fruitbowl 1

Now that I got a really good view of your situation I completely understand you are in stress. As fruit 1 says, I've also always known that you have been busy but not this much. I can also say real life is more important but, as kickfoot talked about, help IS available. You have your admins and we are here to help you. I hope your studies/work won't kill you and I hope your relationship with your girlfriend will work better.
Thank you for writing this letter to us and I wish you luck with everything

//fruitbowl 2

You could have assigned a few head-administrators with more rights, and access to the server, instead of wanting to manage everything on your own (which hasn't worked) and not trusting us.

It is very nice to see you opening up to us all:)
I've been quiet as well and I think that this all isn't your fault alone...
The fact that there are so much rule breakers is the more the fault of the admins then doggie,
And I think if we can understand that we sometimes are too busy to handle everything on the server, we really
Need to show understanding for you doing the same.

Really sad to read that you have problems with you Girlfriend but I am sure you’re going to work things out good,
The only thing needed is love:).
But about your problems regarding time, you should be happy it is all going in such a pase. I've done my non-international
Internship at a company which had an owner that was working 24/7 just likes you and he is running a very successful
Company, it is not that easy to run a company now-a-days let alone getting such a big project so soon! A very big achievement!

I think what you are trying to do and achieve is very ambitions and you cannot let this forum get in your way, but it would be nice having you around a little more often:)

As for what nebulez is saying and kickfoot, I would take their advice and let someone like kickfoot, nickpc, or ewil apple be forum administrator just to keep things alive:)

dear regards, Henk

Yeah. Henk, kickfoot. Ewil. N3b someone from then shouldve been forum mods.

Then again someone from cs 1.6 shouldve been to. Im NOT saying i should be one. I don't think im mature and qualified to it. Fruitbowl 1. Static or flubbel shouldve gotten a chance to it So it has a mod from each game. To make it more active and handle things while your doing your job! Everyone is here to help. The people is here to talk/have fun etc. And admins are here for the same reason and help. I hope you can find out of this doggie. WE WANT YOU BACK<3! :=)

I'm not sure I can really add much to what the guys above have said. I fully empathise with the position you are in... there's simply too much to do and not enough hours to do it in, and you eventually realise you have to compromise things and these all have consequences.

Hand on heart, I would have done exactly what you did in your shoes. In fact I did do pretty much the same thing as you in a very similar set of circumstances... and though it's obviously very disappointing when people publically announce they are leaving Dream Evil, I don't think there's anything to be achieved by blaming yourself when you have made us aware of the situation you are in.

As the guys above have said, we're all around for you and if there is anything we can help with, you know we will all be there for you. I know I don't appear to be very active these days but every day I pop on here and read most of the posts which are made, and occasionally I do pop on the CS:S server. However, I do have extensive forum moderating experience and I've run a fightnight on your behalf before, so the offer is there. Again, having seen how you have run Dream Evil for a long time, I suspect you'll continue as you always have when things quieten down... but even if it's temporarily we can help should you decide you need it!

You know what is important to you and what you want to achieve, so although it must be disappointing to see people publically announcing they are leaving, do not let it obstruct what you really do want to achieve. The community will survive, especially if we and you know you will be coming back at some point. On a personal level, if you want to discuss Cambridge applications and the UCAS process, PM me or catch me on Steam whenever you want - though I chickened out from applying to Cam at the last minute, I went to all of the prep meetings and I have several friends at Cambridge. (If you are successful we will have to meet up in the future!!)

Like Kickfoot, Whiskey, henk (PS thanks henk for your kind words ) and everyone else, I'll only leave when the community finishes; but I don't think that is going to happen any time soon, especially with the launch of CS:GO presenting a new opportunity to expand next year. Get your other stuff sorted, if you want help with running here temporarily you have several capable and willing volunteers, and then we can focus in the not-too-distant future on here again. Best of luck and as we say here in England...

I want to avoid sounding like an emotional school-girl, but your support (and criticism, Neb and Ewil ) really means a lot to me. I'll do my best to get better at planning in time for Dream-Evil in my every-day life!

KickFoot: I realize I haven't really been keen on asking for help -- I've probably, without really knowing it, have the "I do things best"-attitude. I'm a person who likes to be in control of things, and that applies to this community too. As much as I like to be in control, I do like to be seen as little as possible, i.e. I don't want to be "THE MASTER!!" but rather an unseen leader who makes things run smoothly. I've been way too unseen, in fact, and I hope to change that in the future -- as well as share the responsibilities among you members.
Another reason I haven't really spread responsibilities with you is because I've felt that would put too much pressure on you as individuals and I respect your private lives very much. I've always wanted Dream-Evil to be a responsibility-free, chill environment where nobody but myself is "forced" to do things. That will not change, but perhaps I can find a way of spreading responsibilities in a good way, without pressuring you too much.

BTW, that avatar of whoever's on your sig is hot! You do have a tendency to like the same kind of women as I do, I like that !

Whiskey: with a little time, patience, effort and some new maps, I think we will get the forum back to where it once was!

Fruitbowl1: thank you for those warming words and all the luck-wishes. I know things will eventually turn out good, the question is how long it will take!

Fruitbowl2: nah that won't kill me, it'll only make me stronger, haha! Jokes aside though, I've felt that an explanation for my absence has long been overdue. I am happy that you and all the others have read this, it means a lot to me that you took your time.

Neb: As I've mentioned earlier in this post, I will figure out some way of spreading the responsibility for the server and forums. I have, for a long time, tried to keep the community in need of as little responsibility as possible: for example, the forum runs the latest anti-spam measures to prevent additional effort to clean it of spammers, rules are clear and concise so moderation of the forums is usually not needed and overall we all maintain a nice attitude and atmosphere -- there really is not much need for forum moderation as I see it. However I will, as I said, try to spread responsibility for the servers and the FightNights!

You are perfectly right to criticize me, I just hope we can still be friends and that you understand my situation a bit?

Henk: in a perfect world, I would have been able to do all of this AND keep up with the forums. But, as with many other things, I've had to prioritize other matters. Hopefully, soon, I will be able to cut some of my workload and thus have more time for the community. Thank you for your patience and your kindness towards me!

Nick: what you do not add in words, you add in warmth, kindness and empathy. Putting yourself in my position like that and making an effort to understand me means more than I can put in words. My Cambridge application is off now so there's not really much to discuss -- I'm looking forward to a possible interview right now and whatever the outcome I will be in London anyway, as I've applied to Imperial and UCL too. I'd love to finally meet you IRL sometime!

P.S. That poster is absolutely hilarious -- we discussed it in class a few weeks ago and it's one of those things no Swede truly understands !

I just hope you can comeback in 1 piece just as the old Doggie after you'r work. Thats all ^.^!

Doggie52 wrote: Another reason I haven't really spread responsibilities with you is because I've felt that would put too much pressure on you as individuals and I respect your private lives very much. I've always wanted Dream-Evil to be a responsibility-free, chill environment where nobody but myself is "forced" to do things. That will not change, but perhaps I can find a way of spreading responsibilities in a good way, without pressuring you too much.

No worries, we don't have private lives. It's all in the computer, and more responsiblity would make us (me) feel cooler. Hehe, all jokes aside, if you ever need anything, just let me know, will ya!

Doggie52 wrote: BTW, that avatar of whoever's on your sig is hot! You do have a tendency to like the same kind of women as I do, I like that !

You know it, brother.
Her name's Olivia Wilde.

I really don't know what I should say.. Although I understand you, some things are of way more importance than others.. And I am glad you prioritized what you did, as that will count more than this community. Don't think of me as someone who doesn't care etc. about this community, I am here anonymously every day and reads but there are some things that are more important.

If there is anything i could help with, don't hesitate asking.