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A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper.
Teacher: What is this?
Kid: It's a drawing of a cow eating grass.
Teacher: (looked at the paper) Where's the grass?
Kid: The cow ate all of it.
...Teacher: (looked at the paper again)Then, where's the cow?
Kid: It left because there was no more grass

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes! (say it out loud ;D )

1. Thats not right
(Sum Ting Wong)

2. See me ASAP
(Kum Hia Nao)

3. Small horse
(Tai Ni Po Ni)

4. You need a facelift
(Chin tu fat)

5. I thought you were on a diet
(Wai Yu Mun Ching)

6. He's cleaning the car
(Wa Shing Ka)

7. Your body odour is offensive
(Yu Stin Ki Pu)

8. This is a tow away zone
(No Pah King)

9. Great!
(Fa Kin Su Pah)

Boy: So, sex at my place?
Girl: Yah!
Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we're making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
Girl: OK?
~Later~
Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!

Old people at weddings always poke me and say "You're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At school*Robot slaps Son*
SON: OK,I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story*Robot slaps son again*
SON: OK, it was Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!*Robot slaps Dad*
MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.*Robot slaps mom*

Blonde: Look! You can get a laptop here for four dollars!
Brunette: What?
Blonde: Yeah! And it's even big!
Brunette: We're at McDonald's. They don't sell computers.
Blonde: Yes they do! Check the menu! Big Mac - $4.
Brunette: ........

Boy: Is it in?
Girl: *Groans* Yes.
Boy: Does it hurt?
Girl: HELL YEAH!
Boy: OK We'd better get a bigger pair of shoes!

You want to hear a joke about my cock? nvm it's to long! ;P

I whish i hade asked the prettiest person i know to be my valentine. But it would be pretty wierd if i had asked myself! ;D

Nice Whiskey! My favourites was the first and the second!

Whiskey, you could just have every joke in the same post rather than spamming 543 ones

NINE BAGGER POST

sorry ;P but i didn't think off putting them in one post. If it's bothering you I'm sorry,

Hehe yeah many jokes!

Top job Whiskey! You made my evening