Tell me your jokes!

[Doug]

I agree!

[N3bulouz]

The main reasons why I have my cat are:
They're sweet.
They're wayward.
They have these funny moments.
And, when you scratch on the lower part of their back, it looks like they are having an orgasm. My cat begins to lick everything, guess the G-spott causes this..

[Doug]

Pwhahaah!

[Tomppeli]

3 men were drunk,they stopped a taxi.The taxi driver figured that they were drunk,he just switched on the engine & switched it off & told them, 'we ve arrived'.The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him.The taxi driver was stunned coz he was hoping that none of them must ve realized that the car didn't move an inch.So he asked,what was that for? Control ur speed next time,u almost killed us.

*EDIT
(Not sure if this alrdy has been posted but still:) )

Boy: Wanna hear a joke about my Penis? - Oh well, its too long
Girl: ha-ha. Wanna hear a joke about my Vagina? - Oh well, you wont get it so why bother

[Blade]

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

[Whiskey]

Lol blade. What an dry joke! still made me laugh..

[Doug]

pwhaha

[Blade]

I was out walking with my Grandson.

He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth.

I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.

'Why' my Grandson asked.

"Because it's been on the ground;
you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied.

At this point, my Grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked,

"Grandma, how do you know all this stuff??
You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly and said to him,

"all Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test.

You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes,
but he was evidently pondering this new information.

"Oh....I get it! he beamed,

So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa".

'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.

[Doug]

Dry Joke!

[Whiskey]

haha!

[GloriousNoR]

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his penis in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."

[Whiskey]

lol

[Blade]

Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'

[Whiskey]

hahahaha xD

[Tomppeli]

Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think ...its a Teabag